it may be just a dream, i wouldn't care less anymore. I made this decision and i will live with it. I'm done trying. I'm not done trying. I'm in real doubt.

today,i learned something interesting about a person's lifestyle. I think it amazed me and opened me eyes to this world again. it's feel comfortable to hang out around them. i think this is just what i need at this moment.

special thanks to my "therapist" who is so amazing.

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so,i guess it's time for me to get out of my comfort zone. i'm proud of myself. taking a step at a time and i do hope this will be good. no high hope but enough for myself to move on. i'll be good without you. somehow i realized how i have overestimated myself and that that is some changes that need to be make. life lesson about true friendships and myself. i am the pursuit of happiness. i should never live in regret. i did it once and it should stops now. it starts now.

college, i think i am ready for you even it may sucks or rocks.


listening to pursuit of happiness by kid cudi

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been sick few days. it's been a while since i felt so helpless. it hurts like a burning flames on my lips and the worst case is that i can feel very bit of it. sleepless night. burning pain. if possible, i just want to rip off my lips and never have to feel the way i feel now. i think im breathing through the pain and it just wouldn't go away. i dont want to go through all that again. i mean it.

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AND even though today is a big day for me, I think I'm neutral about it. I wasn't surprisingly looking forward for it nor upset about it. I don't get myself either. It's almost feel like college, so I'm finally where i am suppose to be. What's next? nothing. I know this is so not me. If this was two months ago, things will be different. I would be celebrating like two days in the row just because it gave me a reason to.

After one month here, I decided to take the bus because it is my birthday. I know, it is kind of ridiculous. Normally, I would just walk back home. I sat at the bus stop with my ipod for around 15mins even though there is a bus right in front of me. At one point, I just want to stay in the bus and just be in there until I feel the need to get off. Of course, I didnt do that. I was too tired. So, I went home and got my 4 hours beauty sleep.

Although today didnt go as well as it should, thank you for those who dropped me the birthday wishes in facebook. im suprised to see some people that i barely talk to, take their time and wish me well. I really appreciated it. Above all that, I love you, roommate! You made everything so much better.

P.S I waited. but i know this is all just a dream. it will never be same.

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i missed that(a long lost friend) so bad.last night, i felt like my world has collapsed and all i can do what just to stop there and stare. Like that's nothing i could do to stop it. to stop that very moment. but yet all i do was sat there with my ipod sitting beside me while im staring at the mirror and with the music so loud that it seems like i had cut off my relationships with the whole world. it hurts me so much that i want to rip off my emotion if that's what it takes. it even crossed in my mind that i might as well just jump into the pool or breaking my plate or glass(that didnt happen cause i only have 1 plate and 1 glass,i will need it) and it hurts more that i cant talk about it. it's all madness. i was mad. mad about why am i mad and why i'm acting the way i am. well, since all my roommates was all out, i decided to calm myself. I found myself sitting outside looking at the sky, the stars, and breathing the fresh air. It took me 20mins and unlike me, i ended up in facebook, making comments and joking around. And at the unexpected moment, i called AK and damn, that too made me feel better. anyway, the reason im writing this to remind myself what a mess i had brought upon myself and that, this should not happen again. I will be great no matter what had happened. Thou will not affect me.

P.S if you knew me better, i have mood swing.
P.S school was also a part of the reason i was moody

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bear with me, i know i told y'all i am gonna do it in face book but never did. blame it on my laziness. so, I'm in the mood to write this on a Sunday, even i have tons of unfinished business (assignments). So, my friends. I know I didn't say this but Hey! It's never goodbye my friends, it's always seen you soon. You all had rock my summer well.

2 years ago, summer seems so short and not to mention, kind of bored because of course, we all haven't drive yet. that's the main reason. i know. But this summer, damn, I've gotta say it's amazing! I think our friendship grew stronger. I know how crazy and how loud i can be but hey, it's just me. I'm not always like that. Really. Oh, and my driving skills. You guys can shut up about that cause truth is, I can drive, just not with you all. Girls, I just wanna say thank you(if i haven't already). See you soon.

This is for you. You know who you are.

• Miss A. Thanks for being "my conscience" when i did something stupid and being my closest neighbor. It's so convenient!
• Miss B. Thanks for being my badminton buddy. Haha. I think we totally just invented the new version of badminton. P.S i know we are still young, but do get some sleep.
• Miss C. Thanks for being my crazy buddy, cause then i wont look so much of a fool. HAHA. P.S. Next time, we will go to take the picture thing. I promise.
• Miss D. Finally, thanks for being the normal one!!! And thanks for letting me to lean on you. I will miss your shoulder. Haha.
• Miss E. I'm glad we got to catch up with each other! It meant a lot that we are getting along eventhough we drifted apart after primary school. You're smart girl, your future will be predictable!! P.S sleepover next time!
  
• Miss F. You know, i like talking nonsense with you and just dropping by at your place whenever I want. And your friends, they are nice and funny!
  
• Miss G. You made me realized how much I have changed and that you are still you, my long lost sister. I'm glad we saw each other without awkwardness.
• Mr. H. Your 18th birthday gave me a reason to buy condom for you. I looked ridiculous. but gosh, it's funny. and thanks for the ride.
• Mr. I. You made me realize how relationships can be so fucked up and great at the same time. All the best dude.
• Mr. J. Thanks for being my buddy man! I like how i am not judged by you because we both do the same thing.

P.S there maybe people that I left out here so please, no hard feelings. Im sorry
P.S this is pretty much what i wrote in the flight when i left from Miri

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i can't remember how summer has treat me. but mark this, i know what college has done to me. it's been 2 weeks and it felt like its been longer that it seem. no question ask. there's a lot to explore during this time period but i'm not even close to that. been tanned, been lonely, been crazy, been angry, been shocked, been asleep, been starved and the list could go on forever. wtf.

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